More Than a Feeling

I could WRITE A FRIGGN' BOOK on telling my life story through boyfriends. Boyfrieds have shaped my life profoundly. I was what you'd call a serial monogomist, peppered in with a few short-lived robounds, for about 15 years. Then by sheer grace I was single for two years and had to LEARN to be alone--EGADS! For someone who had depended on boys to define a good part of my identity, this was like going through REHAB. It totally sucked, then eventually got better, sucked again, and then soon offered benefits I hadn't anticipated. For one, I discovered (shocker of shockers)that I liked being alone. It was good to be my own person, to have quiet mornings to myself, to develop deep friendships.

As you can imagine, it was a time of DEEP SOUL SEARCHING. I sat through Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind SIX TIMES in the theater because I found it deeply profound. Relationships shape us, for better or for worse.

This morning thinking about my first ever boyfriend, I discovered that nearly twenty years later, he still makes me cringe. He was your average white suburban-bread boy, who drove his dad's cars and thought singing the Rollingstone's "Let's Spend The Night Together" in your ear was romantic. I wasn't his first girlfriend. When he asked me out, he had a girlfriend that lived in Canada or Buffalo or Lake Taho--someplace with snow. He told me he "took care of it" in a phonecall over a weekend. I couldn't imagine the equation of that conversation that "took care of it." He took me to my first spring formal. My dress was too big and kept sliding down to reveal my brand new white straples bra. He wore so much aftershave on dates that my eyes would tear up. After we broke up, I found out he told all his friends that I was a prude. Then when I started dating someone else, I found out he told his friends I was LOOSE. Yes, we were all so AWARE in high school weren't we? So much HEALTHY expression of FEELINGS!

He went on to other girls. He played guitar for the senior class assembly, and sang Guns N' Roses' "Patience" with another classmate. It was RIVETING. I hear he's gone on to try his hand at country music. Wherever you are, first boyfriend o' mine, I tip my ten gallon hat to you.
posted by Summer Pierre

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